HOW I BECAME PROFICIENT IN MENTAL HEALTH

By: Hannah Darnell, RN

RECOVERING FROM DEPRESSION

I still fight negative thoughts that spiral out of control some days. Recovering from major depression has given me more profound insights into what other patients may be facing daily. There are so many times I just wanted to be absent from my body to be with Jesus in heaven. No more sadness or tears, numbness, pain, or memories of past hurts—no more obsessive-anxious thoughts about all the unknowns of life.

Some people view these feelings of despair as weak, or accuse you of being overly self-focused, or label you a “victim.” In other words, telling you to get over it, move on, and forget the past. I wished I could. All of us are imperfect, yet Himperfect, if we believe and accept Him as our Savior. God sees us in the image of His perfect Son, Jesus.

A few years ago, in a women’s Bible study, we actually discovered even Jesus could have been depressed. He cried tears of blood, praying that God would remove Him from this horrible, yet divine circumstance. He also stayed awake the night before His arrest and subsequent crucifixion, and miraculous arising three days later. Thankfully, God gave Him the strength, courage, and love to see Him through it, even though God turned His back on Jesus’ agony; God never left Him alone.

I have an empathetic ear for someone who has hit rock bottom. I have been there, but I also realize no journey to recovery is the same, and that it’s okay to let down your defenses and ask for help without shame. I learned that suppressing feelings can sometimes facilitate an unstable thought life. The mounting stress of college, work, abuse, and relationships began to wear me down. Lashing out and isolation became the new norm. At the time, I thought this hatred, bitterness, and sequestered pain would remain tucked away, hidden like a distant memory. It kept coming back.

WISHING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WOULD DISAPPEAR

So much for wishful thinking; emotions boiled over one day, and I was admitted to the hospital. I was so embarrassed to find another nurse I knew from school working the floor that same day.

I didn’t understand it at the time, and I questioned my faith, purpose, and worth. I cried to the Lord, poured out my heart, and told him how lonely I felt, and to please send someone to help me. He did! I walked out of the room, and one of the technicians asked how I was doing. I knew it was their job to check in with the patients, but the timing was impeccable. I silently thanked God for this angel He knew I needed.

It took years of therapy and trying different meds to see which ones were most helpful. Looking back today, I’m so glad I finally sought medical attention.

Remembering that God loves me for who I am, not for what I do or what was done to me, helped me to flourish into the empathetic person I am today.

HOW I USE THIS PERSONAL EXPERIENCE TO HELP OTHERS HEAL

I was more proficient in mental health, more specifically, depression. I understood what it was like to feel empty, alone, and hopeless for several months.

Even during my years in home care nursing, my Spidey senses were more fine-tuned, recognizing patients who may have had depression, despite their best efforts at covering it up. I encouraged them to talk openly with me about any negative thoughts or feelings they had. Sometimes, just another person viewing your situation from the outside in can make all the difference, along with a second pair of ears—without judgment or meaningless cliches.