Three Reindeer Shopping on Black Friday

By: Hannah Darnell, Co-edited by Cindy G.

G-mom, mom, and I went shopping on Black Friday every year. Those days were so special. These ladies are mischievous all on their own- but when on mission together, this trifecta was bound to ignite the most insane moments...

Please sit down, buckle up, and try not to laugh—I dare you!

Half-Moon Snowing

Pulling into the parking lot, icy cold hills of shoveled snow surrounded us. I saw an odd sight: a half-moon piercing through the snow-covered hills in the Marley Mall parking lot. My grandma—God rest her ornery soul—said, "Why don't you take a picture!" I laughed and thought my marriage would be over if I took a picture of the exposed, half-mooned man tunneling in the snow.

Grandma, or fondly known as G-mom, wasn’t your typical timid Granny by any means; she had slightly sticky fingers when it came to free hotel shampoo and conditioner. Don’t get me started on her pantry-purse full of spare sugar packets, jellies, syrups, and napkins-just in case you happen upon a surprise stack of bare hotcakes during your travels.  

Deals and Negotiations

She advised us to always double-check the bar code scanners for updated deals that aren't yet reflected on the price tag (especially Kohl’s). If memory serves correctly, I believe she even encouraged me to ask the poor cashier for any other extra coupons or deals we could squeeze out of our purchases.

G-mom and I fought at the checkout counter over who was paying for which item. It was hilarious to watch; you had to be there for the full effect. Just imagine G-mom and her granddaughter asking for more coupons, regretting our obsessive shopping disorders. I bought a silver diamond ring on sale. She convinced me to sign up for a credit card to get a discount, so I thought, “Why not?” The ring was around 100 bucks, dropped to 40! So glad I bought the ring, even though it now needs to be polished, like reviving those fun-loving memories.

Writing this story unlocks a treasure chest full of laughter, love, and long-lasting still frames carousel ling in my mind, silly, red-faced, so much laughter, so intense at times I couldn't breathe, my eyes, and other organs leaked water...

Pharmacy Charade

Mom and I were at Rite Aid. I stood in front of her, or vice versa, I can't remember. Anyway, she started to talk to me, and I noticed a speck in between her two front teeth. Sure, that's not what she wanted for Christmas... then the charade ensued as I pointed to my mouth, showing my pearly whites, inciting her to do the same. At this point, the line moved forward, so she moved as well, but then twisted right back, and I tried to motion again, signaling her to the chocolate in between her teeth. The poor, half-grinning cashier must have thought to herself, “This was way above my pay grade.” My mom and I knew we were outed, and we both laughed uncontrollably at the counter.

Making it Rein, My Dear 

In proper reindeer form, we went out to graze for the early bird specials. The parking lot was short on competition, but 4:00 AM was just too early for two lonely does garbed in Christmas lights on their festive antlers. Mamma deer whispered, "Look, look, there's a hunter!?" I looked, and then, sure enough, we spotted a brave man in a camouflage jacket, focused on his game: getting in and out of Kohl’s as fast as you can say, ho- ho- ho- Merry Christmas.

Last Marley Mall Mishap

Another Black Friday comedic, ad-libbed skit was ready to erupt on the second level of Sears at Marley Mall. Mom and I were in line once again, like a familiar blast from the past, when Mom exclaimed, "Excuse me, miss, that's mine!" I said, Mama, what are you doing, standing there with an eternal shopping line, like two toddlers impersonating adults playing tug-of-war with an undergarment? Mom won the battle that day for now... We'll see what crazy shopping blunders we get into next year. Until then, Merry Christmas!